Currently Listening Soul Music By Lisa McClendon see related

I know it's been a very long time. I still conclude there is lil to no one who reads this page, however I can still write all the stuff here that I can't write on my other blog.

The "old friend" I'd gotten re-acquainted with, confessed my love to and he confessed his love to me, talked about marriage and children with has told me this week that he met a girl. He feels like they have a lot in common and he could be with her for  a very long time. This after knowing her for one week. ONE WEEK. You know what I said?

I'm happy for you. And I meant it.

I actually had to press for him to tell me about her. I would think he should tell me about any new developments, don't you?

We hadn't talked much in the last week because he got mad at me for some non-sense. I knew it was non-sense, but he refused to talk about it or even acknowledge he was upset. Until this conversation. He says "If I continued to talk to you while I was mad, I would have said something to hurt your feelings."

I paused and in my most sincere voice, more serious than I have ever been, I said, "You can't hurt me." Luke10:19

That's one of the greatest revelations I've ever recieved.

He thought I was just saying this, but it was so real to me. Throughout the conversation he got "mad" again. Which I think was just a cover to get off the phone. But if he was really mad, his feelings for me go deeper than he realizes. He can find, date, sleep with another girl, but his mind will come back here with me. What he really needs is the Lord and that's the bottom line. He said he thinks we talk too much as it is. So I said I'll holla at you.

When I got off the phone I just said Praise God. You answer prayer. And I'm moving forward into my destiny, thanking God he has someone who is off the chain for me. A wonderful, handsome, tall man of God. I'm just gone do me, handle my Father's business, while He handles mine.

All in all, I feel really good.

Currently Listening Bravebird By Amel Larrieux see related

I had a revelation about tests this morning. God tests us not to see what we are going to do, because I believe he already knows, but for us to see what we are going to do. It helps us gauge where we are in our progress. Whether we pass or fail can tell us if we have more work to do in an area or we can move to the next task.

I can see growth in one area. I told one of my guy friends that I loved him (just as a friend). That's a big step for me. It was hard for me to give males any compliments, let alone tell them I love them. I can tell my girl friends I love them all day long and how nice they look and how great they are. My guy friends would get none of that. Even though I called them "friends" I still had a bitterness toward men. I can see the growth. I love the Lord.

Currently Listening Life By Tye Tribbett & G.A. see related

This was a pretty amazing weekend. Friday, I really can't remember what I did. All I know is that I wanted to see Making the Band 3 and stayed up to watch it. Not the greatest idea since I had to get up the next morning and go to a 7am meeting. Secular music is whack these days as far as the writing goes, but they got hot beats out there. I just love watching the recording process unfold. Saturday was a combination of cleaning and sleeping until I went to work at 6pm. For once I was completely rested and full of energy. Little did I know I would need every bit of that rest.

My friends were having a Diva Dynasty(that's what we call ourselves) slumber party. And for your information, you are never too old to have slumber parties. I plan on having one for my wedding. But since I got off late I came over after I got off work. We had to go back to Nicole's to get some things.

Her mom is a minister. I just love her so much. She is an awesome woman of God and you just wanna soak up everything she has to say. Well she had some words for us. She ended up talking to us and teaching until 5:30 am. I don't feel like the time was wasted at all. It's such a priviledge to have people so close to God be accessible to you. Prophets in the midst. And she was so very on point with her prophecies. God is so on time when you need the correction and encouragement to go to the next level, if you really want it.

I had to wake up at 6am for prayer anyway by the time I got my phone call, I had to tell my cousin I hadn't been to sleep at all. I did a skimpy lil prayer (forgive me Lord) and tried to sleep for about an hour. Got up, picked up this girl for church and prayed to stay awake. I did and church was great, but after church I had to go back to work. Speaking of church, I think wearing my high heels may have made me pull a muscle and I'm sore. Y'all know I'm outta shape. High heels are a work out. It's truly sad.

I went home and fell asleep for 45 min when I was only supposed to sleep about 15 min and was a lil late for work. At first I was like I don't know how I'm gonna make it the next 4 hours. So I tried to stay away from people because I can be cranky when I'm sleepy (Some have been a witness, it ain't pretty).

When I got my 15 min break I got an expresso and they put me on the register, then I was right out there with the people so I had to be personable. I didn't wanna talk to people, I was fine restocking and stuff. But NOOO, they had put me out front. I ended up having fun. When I left I went to go pick up the things I'd left at Nova's. Me and Nicole went and washed the car I was driving, I cleaned the kitchen, played with the neice and tried to cook some chicken. (Didn't get to eat any). I feel once you're going you might as well keep on going. Of course I slept extra hard last night. I coulda slept a few more hours, like 12 more. Still gotta work the second job tonight. My po body. It won't be like this always, I promise. I shall be sleeping tonight and not accepting or making any phone calls, so leave a message. Love ya. Pray that I make it through the week without  a breakdown. I'm working a combination of 65 hours between the two jobs.

i think u are a prototype....type, lol

Interesting huh? Kinda sweet too. Doesn't Prototype say, "I hope that you're the one. If not you are the prototype."? Yeah, that's interesting. He's still hiding something. That love thing ain't nothin to play with.

Still with the possibility of all the feelings I wanted to be returned back to me, I feel apprehensive. I don't wanna jump into anything. We've got a ways to go for a relationship. But we're already using the L-word. It scares me a lil.

At the same time whereas this statement was a step, it means nothing. What do I do with a statement like that?

Currently Listening This Is Me By Kierra "KiKi" Sheard see related

I really need some order in my life. I think it all starts with the sleep I'm NOT getting. But as my girl Nicole pointed out, even if I am chillin at the house at 9pm I will not go to sleep at 10. It just doesn't happen. Oh but it needs to.

Plus, the Lord has been convicting me because my spending is ridiculous! And its starting to make me mad. Maybe I need to fast to get some focus. Because this is a roadblock.

Speaking of roads, I presented the idea to my friends about going to Hampton's Homecoming in October. They seem excited. Then they said they wanted to  drive. I was like.... ehh I just did that a couple months ago and it almost killed me. But yes there will be more drivers hence, more people to put in for gas. Plus, I spend almost everyday with these girls already. It's an opportunity for pictures, stories and goofiness. We'll see who's down around October.

Me and the old friend have been talking more. He's still in denial. I'm starting not to care. He says I'm wearing down his resistance. What the heck does that mean?   But I enjoy talking to him just as I always have. But if he doesn't see the awesome, beautiful, amazing, intelligent diva I am then there's nothing I can do. I'ma keep doin me.